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Wednesday, 30 July 2014

HAPPY INTERNATIONAL LIPSTICK DAY (+Lipstick Haul)


Helloooooooooooo!!! So, today is...

INTERNATIONAL LIPSTICK DAY!!!
(OK, maybe it was yesterday, but whatever - It's still a bit of fun, lol)

This lipstick is YSL Rose Tropical Tropical Pink no.49

DISCLAIMER: THIS IS NOT A SPONSORED POST. 

ALL OPINIONS AND IMAGES ARE MINE, EXCEPT FOR THE LAST TWO IMAGES, WHICH I FOUND VIA A GOOGLE SEARCH.


I recently went on a bit of a lipstick haul at KIKO. I unapologetically love KIKO'S matte lipsticks, despite what make-up snobs might have to say about the brand. 

If you ask me, KIKO's lipsticks are fantastic because they are relatively affordable, (in comparison to higher-end makeup brands), they have a decent range of gorgeous colours - unlike most affordable brands I know of, so there is no compromising style by going for KIKO's affordable option of lipstick, (I highly suspect this might be thanks to that effortless, elegant, and sexy thing, combined with exquisite taste, which most italians seem to have), and their overall lipstick quality is actually amazing

Their matte lipsticks are "creamy", so although they don't have shine, they do not dry out the lips, (unlike some other high-end and much pricier brands matte lipsticks, which I won't name and shame). Oh, and did I mention that the colours are very pigmented and long lasting? - And the colour you get when you put it on your lips, is actually the colour you expect it to be - again, unlike other affordable make-up brands. 

The only other matte lipstick that I have found works on my usually very dry lips, is one by Mary Kay. Mary Kay however, is a pricier brand - which is justified considering that Mary Kay's quality is downright fantastic; but when it comes to certain beauty products, lipstick and lip liner are one of those areas where you can afford to pick a cheaper option, and nothing terrible will happen to you. (I wouldn't say the same thing about skin care products, but that's irrelevant to this post).

I'm not sure what came over me, but I really indulged on lipsticks and lip liners and
here is how they look on!

SMART LIPSTICK No.914 and PRECISION LIP PENCIL No.308 - Both by KIKO MILANO
 I bought this colour because I want to do a 90's inspired look and make-up tutorial in the near future and this colour just reminds me of my teenage years, and the RnB Soul singers who I loved and were so popular in the 90s!!!

LUMINOUS CREAM LIPSTICK No.504 and PRECISION LIP PENCIL No.311 - Both by KIKO MILAN
This lipstick looks very similar to the previous one, but in 'real life' it's not. All of these colours are different. I'm very much a perfectionist, so having similar but different colours means I can 'perfect' my makeup colour co-ordination a lot more. This colour is much 'redder' in real life, even if it looks more brown in this photo.

VELVET MAT LIPSTICK No. 607 and PRECISION LIP PENCIL No. 307 - Both by KIKO MILAN
If you ask me, a girl can never have too many different shades of red lipstick. Red lipstick is glamorous, sexy, makes an entire outfit pop, and is just, well, perfect if you ask me.

SMART LIPSTICK No 910 and SMART LIP LIP PENCIL No.713 - Both by KIKO
OK, so this colour is the other extreme. I was on the pursuit of a nude lippy after I finally managed to get my hands on the Urban Decay Electric Palette. - Bright, colourful, bold eye makeup calls for not-so-bright lips most of the time, and I didn't have any nudes to match that sort of eye makeup - until now!!!
(Now I just need an orange nude! So watch this space!)

SMART LIPSTICK No.907. No lip liner
Orange is one of my favourite lipstick colours. It's fresh, elegant, and subtle enough to not take centre stage, but different enough to look like you are wearing lipstick.

SMART LIPSTICK No.907 and SMART LIP PENCIL 705 - Both by KIKO MILANO
 Whenever I think of orange tone lipsticks, bright pink whether they be dark or light, and bright reds, I always think of the 80s. The 80s was a funny decade and I thank God I was a small child and not a teenager at that point. The 80s fashion for the young just isn't my cup of tea, and I still remember being about four years old and having a strong hatred for tracksuits. I couldn't understand why anyone would want to leave their house in what looked like pyjamas, no matter how comfortable they were. I even remember having a conversation with my mum about it, and telling her how ridiculous these people looked in these horrid things, and my mum aswered, "Yes, I know. I agree completely. You're completely right. They're very ugly clothes!" LOL. I still think they are ridiculous looking by the way! Yet the 80s also had a very extravagant yet elegant thing going on, which had nothing to do with the tracksuit disaster. Think of the dresses Lady Di wore, and the wardrobe on Dallas.
That's more my cup of tea... *smiles*

SMART LIPSTICK No.907 and SMART LIP PENCIL No.700
I now have a lot of reds, pinks, and oranges which I haven't included in the post, - mainly because I wanted to focus on my latest lipstick purchases which just happen to be from KIKO MILANO.

The only colour lipstick I need to experiment with and include to my collection, is purple...


WHY LIPSTICK IS AMAZING
(and could be your best friend!!!)

1. 
If you ever need to look done up, but you don't have hours to spend on your makeup,
an amazing colour lipstick can make all the difference!
Just put on some mascara, blusher, and a bright classy pop of colour on your lips,
and you will look done up and elegant with minimal effort!

2.
 It's the perfect makeup item for us lasses who wear glasses!
Focus on the lips, not the eyes, and you have perfect makeup for glasses.
- And the result is super sexy!

3.
Putting on lipstick is easy peasy, lemmon squeazy! Absolutely anyone can do it! 
Which is great news for any of you beauties who struggle with applying eye makeup. 
You can fake-it with lipstick to look more done up on a daily basis, until you get the hang of how to do eye makeup!
4.
For those of us who don't always have an hour to ourselves every morning to 'put our faces on', lipstick can help create the illusion of looking much more put together than we really are.
5.
You can always be sure your lipstick will 'fit' you. - Unlike jeans!

6.
You will feel amazing in a lipstick you love, and it will last all day, or all night. 
7.
Lipstick plus sunglasses are like magic formula to make anyone look "cool". If you're ever hung over, or just haven't had enough sleep, and it shows, then this combination will hide all of that and actually make it look like you've taken time to get ready and look "cool"! 

8.
This one kind of ties in with point number 1, but just by switching your lipstick colour, you can completeley transform your makeup - as this picture which I found on-line demonstrates:
The only thing that has changed, is the lipstick colour, and the entire look is transformed, - making lipstick the quickest, easiest to apply, most versatile item of makeup which can help you switch looks instantly, and at the same time, save time!

I hope you've enjoyed this post. 
I'd love to hear what you think in the comments below!

WHY DO YOU LOVE OR HATE LIPSTICK?








Sunday, 27 July 2014

WHY I canNOT stand men who classify themselves as Chubby Chasers, Fat Admrers, BBW Lovers, etc

This may sound very odd coming from a big girl, but one of my greatest pet peeves, are guys who are only into big girls. I've felt this way for as long as I have been aware of the 'fat fetish', and since I first came across chubby chasing guys first hand.

Don't get me wrong. I respect everyone's tastes. I understand that you cannot help who or what you find sexually attractive. Whether it be a certain size, a certain race, or whatever it is that turns you on. I also want to emphasize that I am not out to bash big women who love and appreciate chubby chasers. Look, I get it. I get that it's nice to have someone who loves and wants you just as you are, and who isn't going to go on at you to loose weight. I also understand that not every woman who feels that way about chubby chasers, is necessarily the type of woman I (or they - meaning chubby chasing men), go on to describe here. I am also not saying that this is what I think of all big women, who love the men who love us. I'm talking about what some those men have to say about why they prefer big women. I also like to think that there are chubby chasing guys out there who do not prefer bigger women for the reasons I am about to discuss here. Once again, I know there are always exceptions. I am not here to judge anyone, as with everything, there are exceptions to every rule and stereotype. I am however, going to express my own personal opinion about the assumptions that are made about us, by a lot of those guys who claim to love us.


The video below, which I stumbled across this morning, has been what triggered me to write this post. For ages now I have been intending to make a video on this topic, and I probably still will, but for now, I'm going to start off with this post! The video which triggered me to write this post ahead of time, lasts 4:53s. It's from the channel Bugatti Beeze, and features another youtuber, who's name I think is Jae Richards. To be honest though, I wasn't really paying attention to their names, but rather, what they were saying. (So please excuse me if I'm wrong).


These two proud-fat-girl-loving guys in particular, have made a video simply regurgitating every possible fat girl stereotype around. I've heard many chubby chasers talk like this about us big girls. It's as if we are all just clones of each other. 

Newsflash! 

No, we are not. 

I don't know you about you, but me? 

Listen. 

Yes, I am fat, but no I am not easy. Not by any stretch of the imagination. You can't just walk up to me in some random place - ie; the mall - and expect me to give you my number. It's just not going to happen! Oh, and in case you didn't know, there are plenty of skinny girls out there who will. Generally speaking though, I don't care what type of girl you are trying to hit on at the mall, 99.99999999999% of the time, I'm gonna class you as 'thirsty' for hitting on girls at the mall anyway. Maybe I'm just very english, and the whole talking to strangers in an over friendly manner is just taboo; but seriously, who goes to the mall hoping to get a date? Exactly! And as for my breasts, in case you didn't know, no, they do not exist to be randomly squeezed. I own my body, and I decide what happens to it, and who gets to touch it, because me and my body are not public property, and both myself and my body are worthy of being treated with respect. Besides, who says all big girls are busty? They're not! The fat on my body is not the result of years of "McMeals" or any other junk food from any other fast food place. I do not wrestle, and I am not anyone's punching bag, so no, you cannot just wrestle or punch this fat girl and assume she can, and will, just take it - Whatever the circumstances. I am not anyone's body guard - especially not my man's bodyguard. Call me old fashioned if you must, but I want my man to protect me! This doesn't mean I won't stand up for him if the situation arose, but I'm not going to settle for some guy who will date me because he thinks I can fight. And on that note, are they saying that by assuming that all fat girls have sharp fighting skills and abnormally large and strong fists, that there is no such thing as a classy fat lady who does not need to resort to physical fights to resolve conflict? I have big hands, and they're going to be big no matter what I weigh, because I'm made big anyway. Fact is, I could probably do some damage with my big hands if I chose to, but I don't. I'm not one to get into physical fights, or to go around knocking people out. It's called having class, and it has nothing to do with body size or shape. God gave me a brain to think, and a mouth to reason with. If you need to settle your conflicts with your fists and not your words, then something is wrong with you, and I suggest you seek help, or go to anger management or something. For real! Oh, and all that stuff in the begining of the video about how we will eat all of our food at the restaurant on a date? Please! I know many skinny girls who eat more than many of the fat girls I know. They just don't put the weight on like us bigger girls do! And as for inviting your friends over to smoke from her knee caps? Did I hear wrong? Was that a joke I didn't find funny or was that 'code' for 'sharing' her with his friends? I'm not even going to bother trying to figure it out because it just seems like a waste of my time. Again, not all fat girls are easy, promiscuous, or incapable of saying no to anything she finds degrading or simply uncomfortable. And where is the logic in you not having to worry about a big girl cheating on you because all big girls spend their money on, is food? Is he saying, that nobody else wants the kind of woman he's into because we are all just ugly and undesireable? So are they saying that men who like big women are just insecure deep down, and want a woman who nobody else wants, to make sure she will be his unconditionally, indebted to him for finding her attractive, and OK to be treated like garbage?

Look, a woman doesn't have to be fat to be insecure and to allow men - or just people in general - to treat her like rubbish. 

There are plenty of insecure women out there who are skinny. Insecure women come in all shapes and sizes, just like with everything else. Come on now! Is it just me, or have these chubby chasing guys, who justify their preference in the same way these guys do, just led some very sheltered lives? 

We are not all just walking stereotypes. Everybody's body is different, and each person is the size they are for different reasons. I'm not saying that there's no such thing as a fat person who is fat because they eat too much junk food and don't excercise. Of course there are those kinds of fat people out there! But there are also skinny people out there who live unhealthy lifestyles, but nobody calls them out on it, because there is this mass distributed lie, that if you are skinny, then you must be healthy. 

These guys talk about skinny girls in reference to all the negative stereotypes. They talk about skinny girls not eating enough, not being strong enough, being conceited and downright rude. Again, I ask myself if these guys have simply led very sheltered lives. I know plenty of lovely skinny girls who will not be rude if you try to chat them up, and can hold their own if the need arose, and who are not conceited. Like I said, all types of girls come in all shapes and sizes. If you are turned on by one size, and not another, then good for you. I won't be giving you a medal for liking what you like, because honestly, I don't believe any of us choose to be attracted to whatever or whoever we are attracted to. It's mixture of genetics and socialization that will ultimately shape our tastes. Not only in partner, but in everything. The food we like, the clothes we choose to wear, our general lifestyle choices, etc. We are a product of nature and nurture. Who knows the full list of reasons that make these guys only find big girls attractive. I don't know the answer, and I don't really want to pass judgement. I just know that I don't agree with their argument.

All I know for a fact is, that to me, arguments like these are a load of nonsense, and I do not relate to any of these stereotypes. I am a fat woman, but I am a woman non-the-less. I am not worth more or less than any other woman, regardless of my size, race, social class, etc, I am simply human. I have flaws and virtues just like the next person. I do want to be fetishized because I am not a fetish. 

Fetishizing women based on their weight, isn't a fat woman issue. It's also a skinny woman issue. 

Guys who claim to only be attracted to thin women, and who will only date that type of woman, are just as guilty of fetishizing one particular size of woman, as these chubby chasers do. The difference is, that society tells us it's OK to fetishize and objectify skinny women, but it's not OK to find bigger women attractive, which is why exclusively finding bigger women attractive, is considered a fetish in the traditional sense of the word. If the reality were the reverse, the problem would be the same, and not better or worse. 

Maybe I am alone in my zero tolerance for crap and my sense of equality for all. I don't know. All I know is, that I despise sizeism, and stereotyping us, whether it be intended as a compliment, or not, is not on either! 

Am I alone in my thoughts and feelings on this matter?

Friday, 25 July 2014


ENGLISH

This might prove to be a picture heavy post. I'm not sure yet. I posted quite a few photos of this to my photobucket account, but we'll see how many I actually post. I'm really really REALLY excited about sharing this skirt I made with all of you. I've wanted an african print inspired skirt for about two years now, at least, and I finally have one. All the african print skirts I found on line were on the pricey side, and I made this out of 150x150 peice of fabric that cost me 6€ from a pile of scraps in a fabric shop. I had originally planned to make a strapless dress out of it, but changed my mind at the last minute. It's not perfectly made, but I'm pretty chuffed with the result, -  especially when it's the first skirt I've ever made and finished *excited smile*. So far people have been paying me lots of compliments everywhere I wear it to. I have at least four outfit ideas for this skirt. In fact, I dressed up and planned to take all the looks in one day. However, by look number two, I was put off by a group of men who were walking down the street, just as I was set up my tripod and starting taking pictures. They appeared right when I checked for my first photos, so they didn't actually see me taking any pictures. Next thing I knew, they were just scattered around, lingering around the area, looking suspicious, and they kept watching my every move. I know, I'm chicken, but they were too much. I just couldn't handle them standing around, scattered all over the place, watching me like hawks. I just couldn't go on to posing and taking photos of myself in their presence. My shyness kicked in, so I folded up my tripod and I ran. I'll save those looks for another post in future. For now, here is my "Ethnic Inspired DIY Skirt".

ESPAÑOL

No se si este post va a tener demasiadas fotos. No lo se aun. Subi muchas fotos de este look a mi cuenta en PhotoBucket, pero ya vere cuantas de ellas subo aqui. Estoy super super super emocionada de mostararos esta falda que me hize. Hacia mucho que queria una falda con un estampado estilo africano, haran como unos dos años. Pero todas las faldas que encontraba en internet eran caras, y esta la he hecho con una tela de 150x150, y que me ha costado 6€ solo. En un principio me quize hacer un vestido palabra de honor, pero a ultima hora, decidi hacerme esta falda. No me ha quedado perfecta, pero estoy super contenta con el resultado. - Sobre todo porque es la primera falda que me he hecho y que he acabado. *sonrisa emociante*. Hasta ahora todo el mundo me suelta piropos donde quiera que voy con ella puesta. Tengo por lo menos cuatro looks planeados para esta falda. Es mas, iba a crear todos esos looks en un solo dia, pero cuando fui a hacerle fotos al segundo look, me desanimé al ver un grupo de tios caminando por la calle, justo cuando estaba colocando mi tripode y habia comenzado a tomar fotos. Aparecieron justo cuando me acerqué a mi camara a ver qué tal la primera foto, asi que no me vieron haciendome la foto. Y al instante estaba regados por toda la calle, actuando sospechosamente, y vigilandome sin quitarme la mirada. Ya lo se. Soy una cobrade, pero no fui capaz de continuar haciendome fotos en su presencia. Mi timidez tomó control, asi que cojí mi tripode, y me fui volando con prisas. Ya os mostraré esos looks en otro post. Por ahora, aqui teneis mi falda "Inspirada en lo etnico y hecha por mi"





In the end I couldn't make my mind up, so just posted the whole lot. Sorry if that annoys anyone. More looks featuring this skirt will be coming soon!!! lol

Al final no he sido capaz de decidirme, asi que he subido todas. Lo siento si ha alguien le fastidia.
Pronto subire mas looks con esta falda!!! Je je je





PS: This red lipstick by KIKO is an excellent dupe of Mac's Ruby Woo. I've had this read this forever, I have to say I'm delighted with it. I might do a post and video on my collection of red lipsticks. We'll see :)

PD: Este pintalabios rojo de KIKO es una excelente 'imitacion?' de Ruby Woo por MAC. Hace mucho que lo tengo y estoy super encantada con el. Quizas haga un post y video hablandoles sobre mi coleccion de pintalabios rojos. Ya veremos :)



Wednesday, 25 June 2014

I often post quickies of my outfits, or elements of it, on my Instagram (@RebequitaRose), which never make it onto my blog. It's also true that I get more interaction on there, than I do on here, making it that little bit more fun (sorry Blogger.com), but I've started wondering if the people who only follow my posts via Blogger, might be missing out. I can't be sure, but, just incase, I'm sharing this quick post of what I wore to the airport yesterday to see Cerise off. 

A menudo subo fotos rapidas, o partes de ellas, en mi Instagram (@RebequitaRose), que nunca llego a subir al blog. Tambien es verdad que allá tengo mucha mas interación que la que tengo aqui, con lo cual es un pelin más divertido Instagram, que blogger (lo siento Blogger.com), pero he empezado a preguntarme, si las personas que solo me siguen a traves blogger, se lo están perdiendo. Ni idea. Pero, por si acaso, comparto lo que me puse ayer para ir al aeropuerto a despedirme de mi amiga, Cerise.


 Blouse & Jumper - H&M
Leggings - C&A
Clutch - El Corte Inglés
Shoes - Amichi Leather Collection
Brows - Bobbi Brown Mahogany eye shoadow and Bobbi Brown eye definer brush
Red Lip gloss - Essence Cosemetics
Blush - L'Oreal


It was a five minute throw on since I had been busy all day, and I grabbed what little "winter wear" I had to hand, as it had been raining, and it had really cooled down out here. There really isn't much to say about this look, other than it is simple and comfortable. I didn't wear any foundation or powder, (no time for that, I was too busy cooking our last home made meal - photo below), and I gave my face that "I am alive look" with blush, mascara, red lip gloss, and a pair of eyebrows which I made appear to be roughly the same length, lol. 

Fue un conjunto de cinco minutos ya que habia sido un dia de mucho lio, y me puse lo poco que deje fuera de invierno y que tenia a la mano, porque habia llovida y no hacia tantisimo calor. En realidad, no tengo mucho que contar de este look, aparte de que es muy sencillo y comodo. No me puse ninguna base ni polvo de maquillaje,(no tenia tiempo para eso, estaba muy liada cocinando nuestra ultima comida juntas hecha en casa - foto abajo), y le di a mi cara aquuella ilusion de "estoy viva", con colorete en las mejillas, mascara en las pestañas, un gloss rojo cantoso en mis labios, y un par de cejas que por lo menos aparentan ser del mismo largo, ja ja.


And that's it from me today! 

I hope you are all having a WONDERFUL week so far! 

xox

Y eso es todo lo que cuento hoy!

Espero que esteis pasando una semana genial! 

xox

Monday, 23 June 2014

Gold & Modesty


Hello Beauties, 

Today I bring you a #BloggerSharingStylePost. I was invited to participate in this challenge by #MisPapelicos and was delighted to participate. The theme was gold, and I grabbed the opportunity to post an outfit that I'd had in mind for several weeks now, with a hint of gold accessories. My friend Cerise took these photos for me yesterday on our lazy sunday at home, so big thank yous to her for being photographer for the day. She's a friend I've had since childhood who has come over to spend a few days with me in Madrid who also has a fashion blog. She's not posting much at all these days, which is a shame since she has fantabulous style! I suggest you go over to her blog and show here some love here :)

Hola Bellezas,

Hoy os traigo un #BloggerSharingStylePost Me invitó #MisPapelicos a participar, y yo encantada. El tema era oro, asi que aproveché para publicar un look que tenia en mente hacia semanas con toques de oro en los complementos. Mi amiga Cerise me hizo las fotos durante nuestro domingo vago en casa, asi que muchisimas gracias a ella por ser la fotografa del dia. Es una amiga desde mi infancia que ha venido a pasar unos dias conmigo aqui en Madrid y que tmb tiene un blog de moda. Ultimamente ella no publica nada, lo cual es una lastima cuando ella tiene un estilo fantabuloso! Os sugiero que os paseis por su blog y le muestren amor, aqui :)


The title of this post, Gold & Modesty, is inspired by the challenge/style theme, combined with an idea about modesty which has been floating around in my head for some time now. I can honestly say I have reached a point in my body image journey where I feel comfortable in my body. I no longer have fat days and I have no desire to loose weight for aesthetic reasons, even though I am at my biggest. I am unapologetic about my wearing whatever I want, and unlike when I was a teenager, I do not consider my being fat to be an obstacle. I use the word 'obstacle' in reference to many ideas, which I shall explain. Growing up I was constantly told that if I remained big, or got fatter, I would be a failure in life. A reject who would never be loved, who was condemned to always look frumpy and live in black baggy clothes like someone who was in perpetual mourning, to hide her ugly fat with shame and 'modesty'. Modesty back then, was about knowing my place in the world as a fat girl. Understanding and accepting that my fat was something ugly, that nobody wanted to see. Something that gave others a license or a right to value me as an inferior human being before knowing me as a person first. The irony being, that most of the fat-shaming I experienced, came from the adults closest to me, who should have been building up my confidence. Not of knocking it.

El titulo de este blog, que traducido al español significa 'Oro y Modestia', está inspirado por el reto de este estilo, y mi idea sobre la modestia que anda rondado por mi cabeza desde hace ya varias semanitas. Os puedo decir con sinceridad que he llegado a un punto en mi viaje de auto-imagen donde me siento comoda en mi cuerpo. Ya no sufro con 'dias-de-gorda' y no tengo ganas de adelgazar por estetica, a pesar de estar en mi peso mas elevado de toda mi vida. Me pongo lo que me da la gana sin pedir disculpas, y en diferencia a cuando era adolesente, ya no veo a mi gordura como algo que es un obstaculo, cosa que os iré explicando. Uso la palabra 'obstaculo' para referirme a varias cosas. De niña constantemente me recordaban que si me quedaba gordita, o que si me engoradaba mas, sería una fracasada de la vida. Una despreciada que jamás nadie le querria, que estaria condenada a ir siempre de ropa ancha y negra como si estuviera perpetuamente de luto, para esconder su gordura tan fea con verguenza y modestia. La modestia en aquellos tiempos se trataba de saber cual era mi lugar en el mundo gracias a mi condicion de gorda. Era comeprender y aceptar que mi gordura era algo feo, que nadie jamas queria ver. Algo que le daba al resto del mundo licencia o derecho, a menos valorarme sin conocerme como persona primero. Los mas irónico, es que la mayoria de los comentarios despereciativos sobre mi peso venian de los adultos mas cercanos a mi, quienes han debido de subir mi auto-estima. No derrumbarmela.


So a few years ago, in my mid to late twenties, the idea of wearing slightly more revealing or fitted clothes, and slightly less modesty, on my fat body, was about rebellion and self liberation. Rebellion against the dogma imposed against us fatties. Rebellion against what was truly ugly, which was the excluding mentality and attitudes against fat folk by the fashion industry, mainstream media, and often, society itself. I wasted my teenage years hating myself, feeling ugly and being insecure, because I was fat. As the years went by, and my weight yo-yo-ed up and down, it finally became time to get a grip. It was time to stop obsessing about my size and to start positively embracing everything that made me, me. It became time for me to embrace my own idea of beauty, and to start seeing myself as someone who I love, instead of someone I hate. I have fought hard to be who I am today, and I am proud of my journey, my struggle, and who I have become. I needed to go through my 'fashion rebellion' phase in order to get to where I am now. 

Asi que hace unos añitos, en mis veintes, la idea de vestirme con ropa un pelin mas reveladora o justada, y con un pelin de menos modesta, sobre mi cuerpo gordo, se trataba de rebelarme y liberarme. Rebelarme en contra de lo que verdaderamente es feo, que es esa mentalidad y actitud de exclusion encontra de los gordos por parte de la industria de la moda, los medios de comunicacion, y la sociedad en general. Desperdicié mi adolesencia odiandome a mi misma, sintiendome fea y siendo insegura, porque era gorda. Mientras los ańos pasaban, y mi peso subia y bajaba constantemente, llegó el momento para yo tomar el control. Era el momento para dejar la obsesion con mi talla y comenzar a acoger con positividad todo lo que me hace a mi, yo. Habia llegado la hora para yo acoger mi propia idea sobre lo que es la belleza, y mirarme a mi misma como alguien a quien amo, y dejar de mirarme como a alguien a quien odio. He luchado para ser quien soy hoy, y me siento orgullosa de mi viaje, de mi lucha, y en quien me he convertido. Para mi fue necesario pasar por mi epoca de 'rebelion de moda' para llegar a donde he llegado ahora.


Had I not taken any fashion risks and broken so many fashion rules, I would probably still be hiding under baggy black clothes, and putting limits on myself because of my size. Nobody should ever feel the way I used to feel about my body, which is the main reason why I blog. People can judge and misunderstand fashion/style blogging as something completely superficial and narcissistic. Surely we have better things to do than to dolly up, take photos of ourselves, and then put them on-line. In a world full of poverty and 'real struggles', is what we wear and how we look really that important? Yes, it is. If you are told by everyone that you must conform to a particular aesthetic to be a well liked and successful member of society or a community, you will want to be as close to that ideal as possible. Especially when you are younger. If not fitting that idea makes you insecure or miserable in some way, the repercussions can be detrimental. I'm not saying that absolutely everyone feels the need to conform to their environment image-wise, but to some degree we all do. Naturally, if you are pressured to conform from an early age, that will have an impact on you. I'm also not saying, dress to impress or conform. I'm saying there is a reality out there where are judged on how we look, and we have the power to control how we want to come across, and how much we want to conform. I know I have the right to dress how I please, and I don't have to care too much about the opinions of others.

Sino huberia tomado riesgos con mi estilo, ni hubiera roto tantas normas, quizás todavia estaria escondiendome detras de ropa ancha y negra, auto-imponiendome limitaciones a base de mi talla y peso. Nadie deberia saber lo que es sentir lo que yo sentia sobre mi cuerpo, que es la razón principal por la que tengo este blog. La gente puede juzgar y mal entender un blog de moda y estilismo, como algo completamente superficial y narcisista. Sin lugar a dudas, seguro que tenemos cosas que hacer que arreglarnos, sacarnos fotos a nosotras mismas, para luego publicarlas en internet. En un mundo lleno de pobreza y 'luchas reales', es verdaderamente importante como nos vemos y qué nos ponemos? Si. Si que lo es. Si de todos lados te insisten que tienes que conformar tu imagen para ser gustada y un miembro exitoso de la sociedad o alguna comunidad, vas a querer estar lo mas cerca posible a ese ideal. Sobre todo cuando eres muy muy joven. Si el no cumplir con ese ideal te causa inseguridad o miseria alguna, las repercusiones pueden ser detrementales. No quiero decir que absolutamente todo el mundo se conforma a su entorno con su apariencia, aunque todos lo hacemos hasta algun punto. Naturalmente, si te presionan desde pequeñita, eso va a tener un impacto. No os digo que tenemos que vestirnos para agradar a los demas. Estoy diciendo que hay una realidad donde somos juzgados y juzgamos basado en las apariencias, y que nosotros tenemos control sobre como queremos mostrarnos, y hasta qué punto nos queremos conformar. Yo se que yo tengo el derecho de vestirme como a mi me gusta, y no me tiene porque importar lo que opinen los demas.


Happy societies start with happy individuals. Strong communities start with strong families. A happy mind leads to a happy body, and it is mental stability that truly matters. No matter how thin you are. No matter how much you manage to control your weight and get down to that dress size you always dreamed of. If your obsession with your weight never leaves you, and you are petrified to put weight on, you will never be truly happy with yourself. Eating disorders aren't just about disorderly dietary habits. It is a behavior resulting from a negative mentality and unhealthy self-perception which can later lead to an unhealthy body. I'm not saying go out there and pig out, or that being overweight has no potential health risks. I'm saying that there are health risks at every size. Not every diet that keeps you thin is a healthy one, and not every fat body is an unhealthy body. I'm also saying, do what you know to be the right thing by yourself, and love your body for all the amazing things it can do, and not hate it for how it doesn't look. Wear what you like. Do the things you dream of doing. Smile at life and let the right people in. Give thanks, be grateful, forgive those who offend you and ask forgiveness for your own wrong doings.

Sociedades felizes comienzan con individuos felizes. Comunidades fuertes comienzan con familias fuertes. Una mente feliz te lleva a un cuerpo feliz, y es la estabilidad mental que verdaderamente importa. Da igual lo delgada que seas. Da igual lo que seas capaz de controlar tu peso y que llegues a alcanzar esa talla con la que siempre has soñado. Si tu obsesion con tu peso sigue presente, y te da panico aumentar, nunca serás verdaderamente feliz. Trastornos alimenticios no se tratan solo de una dieta retorcida. Es un comportamiento que resulta de una mentalidad no sana y/o negativa y una percepcion de uno mismo no sana, y que puede hacernos acabar en un cuerpo no sano. No todas las dietas que te mantienen flaca son sanas, ni todos los cuerpos gordos tienen mala salud. No os estoy diciendo que se vayan a comer a lo bestia. Estoy diciendo que hagais lo que sabeis que está bien hacia a vosotras mismas. Amen sus cuerpos por todas las cosas maravillosas que puede hacer, y no le odies por como no se ve. Vistete como te de la gana. Haz las cosas con las que sueñas hacer. Sonriele a la vida y deja entrar a la gente correcta. Da gracias, se agradecido, perdona a quien te ofende y pide perdon si tu ofendes.


Today, modesty means something new to me. It's no longer a negative. It's no longer a word I use to describe or explain the act of hiding my body out of shame, and a subsconscious yet irrational fear of provocing disgust in others because I am fat.  It's no longer about self-body-hating. Today modesty for me is about protecting my intimacy. About deciding where I want gazes to go. It's about knowing what type of attention I want to get. It's about truly understanding who I am and what impression I want to make without having to utter an word. Don't get me wrong. It's not about dressing to impress. It's about knowing how my own actions can influence the attitude others will have towards me. It wasn't that I didn't know all that before. I just wasn't as aware of it as I am now, in the sense that I used to see covering up as being limited to hiding my body because I saw it as ugly, and somehow covering up to hide it was being imposed upon me, rather than a choice I was making freely, based on being dignified. For example, I was a teenager in the 90s, when bearing your mid-drift was all the rage, but, unlike now, I never dared let my tummy see the light of day because in my eyes, my tummy was unworthy. I wanted to feel beautiful. Like most teenagers, I wanted to embrace fashion and take pleasure in dressing how I liked, but for years I didn't dare. Having an over protective mother who never let me choose my own clothes, ever, didn't help either. I wasn't confident and I was afraid of ridicule, and everywhere I turned, my fears were confirmed. Those years were such a waste of time and I thank God that I got over it.

Hoy, modestia significa algo nuevo para mi. Ya no es negativo. No esuna palabra que empleo para describir o explicar el acto de esconder mi cuerpo por erguenza, o una subconsiente e irracional temor a que yo pueda provocar asco en los demas porque soy gorda. Ya no se trata de odiar mi cuerpo. Hoy la modestia para se trata de proteger mi intimidad. De decicir yo donde quiero que me miren. Se trata de verdaderamente comprender quien soy y cual impresion quiero dar sin decir ni una palabra. No se trata de vestirme para impresionar a los demas. Se trata de entender como mis acciones pueden influenciar la actitud que los demas tengan hacia mi. No es que yo no supiera todo eso antes. Es que antes no estaba tan consiente de eso como lo estoy ahora, en el sentido de que antes si me tapaba, era para esconder mi cuerpo porque me parecia feo, y era algo que me habia impuesto, en vez de ser una eleccion que yo tomase libremente por mi propia voluntad, basada en dignidad. Por ejemplo, yo era adolescente en los 90s, cuando ir con la tripita al aire era la super moda, pero, en diferencia a ahora, yo jamás me atreví a dejar que mi tripa viese la luz del dia, porque en mis ojos, mi tripa no era digna. Yo queria sentirme bella. Como la mayoria de las adolescentes, yo tambien queria ir a la moda y disfrutar de ponerme guapa, pero durante años no me atreví. Teniendo una madre sobre protectora que no me permitia a eligir mi propia ropa, jamás, no me ayudaba tampoco para poder ir como a mi me gustaba. No tenia autoestima y tenia miedo a las burlas, y por donde quiera que miraba, todos mis miedos se confirmaban. Esos años fueron una tremenda perdida de mi tiempo y doy Gracias a Dios que lo he superado.


Advances in plus size fashion and body-acceptance activism has certainly helped, and made the struggle that little bit easier, but the battle still has some way to go. In the media, plus size women are still being portrayed as one extreme or the other on the "sexual objectification spectrum", as I call it. We are either the epitomy of eternal chastity because we are led to believe that nobody wants us and we are all miserable rigid creatures, or the embodiment of nothing more than sexual objects who are easy out of desperation to get whatever we can, - again, because of this false notion that nobody wants us or finds us physically attractive. I would say though, that in everyday life, out here in the real world, not only are both those extremes absurd, they are rare. So why is the media not representing the middle ground, which is the norm? We live in a world that has distorted our purpose in life, and reduced our value to how much society and other individuals find our physique appealing and sexually desireable, - or not, - and apparently fatties are not to be found attractive. How many of us who have been told that if we are fat, we will never find a boyfriend, or a man who will us seriously enough to want to marry us? How many magazines are filled with fad diets so that we can allow ourselves to wear certain clothes, and feel attractive and confident based on our outward appearance? It's the last battle of feminism. We can be pretty much anything we want, but we cannot be fat. It's the last ounce of control to be had over women. That said, women of all sizes are objectified, and I have no problem with women who are happy to be objectified. Each to their own. I have no right to judge others, and I appreciate a compliment as much as the next person. But it is one thing to be given a compliment, and quite another to be objectified. I am worth so much more than whether or not someone finds me attractive or not. 

Los progresos en el mundo de las modas de talla grande, y el activismo de auto-aceptarte tal como eres, ha ayudado y facilitado la lucha, pero la batalla aun tiene mucho trabajo que hacer. En los medios de comunicación, a las mujeres gordas se nos siguen mostrando como un extremo u otro en el "espectro de la objetivación de la mujer", o asi le llamo yo.  Solo nos muestran de dos formas. Somos la epitome de la castidad eterna porque nos quieren hacer creer que nadie nos desea y que somos rigidas y miserables, o sino, el otro extremo que somos la encarnación de la mujer facil, gracias a una supuesta teoria que como nadie nos desea, entonces toda mujer gorda sufre de desesperacion, y por ello se conforma con lo que puede pillar. Yo diria que en la vida cotidiana, en el mundo real, ambos extemos no son solo absurdos, sino rarezas. Entonces por qué los medios de comunicacnion no muestran un termino medio, que refleja mas la realidad? Vivimos en un mundo que ha distorcionado nuestro proposito en la vida, y ha rebajado nuestro valor exclusivamente segun hasta donde la sociedad y otros individuos nos ven como atractivos - o no - y seguna 'la leyenda', los gordos no pueden ser atractivos. A cuantas de nosotras nos han dicho que si somos gordas, nunca vamos a tener novio, ni un hombre que nos tome en serio como para pedirnos matrimonio? Cuantas revistas hay que dietas tontas para que nos podamos permitir vestir con determinadas prendas, y sentirnos atractivas y confidentes basadas en nuestra apariencia externa? Es la ultima lucha del feminismo, porque es el ultimo trozo de control que hay sobre la mujer. Podemos ser lo que queremos ser, pero no podemos ser gordas. Dicho todo eso, todas la mujeres, sean de la talla que sea, son objetivisadas, y no tengo ningun problema con un mujer que se cree feliz siendo objetivisada. Para los gustos colores, y no tengo ningun derecho de juzgar a los demas. A mi me gusta que hagan cumplidos igual que a todo el mundo. Pero es una cosa que suelten un cumplido o un piropo, y es otra cosa completamente que se solo te objetivisen. Yo valgo mucho mas que simplemente el saber si soy atractiva a otros o no.


Generally speaking though, whether we like it or not, all of us are judged by everyone else, and we judge others to some degree, based on how we present ourselves. Today, if I choose to dress modestly, or not, it is my choice. I have no issues with wearing clothes that are revealing, even if it means revealing a bit of tummy, but I know where to put my limits. Not out of fear or fat shame, but out of dignity. (I'd dress the same, even if I was thin). Out of knowing what I am worth and how I deserve to be treated. Acknowledging the reality that we live in a highly judgemental world, and although I cannot change that, I do my bit with my day to day life, but treating both myself and others with respect and love, and hope that I get treated the same. How I present myself is only the first page. I have to have character to back up my first impression. I am not an object. I am a human being. I am no better and no worse than the next person. Confidence doesn't come from extremes, one way or the other. Confidence, is balance. It's knowing who you are and being okay with that. It's having the discipline to change what you can if you want to change it. It's about being able to say no without having to explain yourself. It's being able to decide who you do and do not allow into your life without succumbing to peer pressures. Confidence is not about the number on the scales or the number on the label of your dress. Confidence is not about everyone finding you desireable. Confidence is not about changing yourself to please others. Confidence is not thinking that you are somehow better than everyone else. It comes from loving and accepting yourself just as you are. It takes time and work to get there, but believe you me, it is oh so so worth it!!!

Hablando en general, nos guste o no, todos juzgamos y somos juzgados por los demas segun como nos presentamos. Hoy, si eligo ir modesta, o no, es mi eleccion. No tengo ningun problema con ponerme ropa que muestra algo de mi cuerpo, pero se donde poner mis limites. No por miedo por ser gorda, sino por dignidad. (Me vestiria igual que ahora, si fuese flaca). Se trata de saber que yo valgo y se como merezco ser tratada. Reconociendo que vivimos en un mundo lleno de juicios, y que aunque yo no pueda hacer un enorme cambio, puedo poner de mi parte en mi dia a dia, tratandome a mi misma y a los de mas con respeto y amor, y tener la esperanza que a lo mejor me vayan a pagar con la misma moneda. Mi apariencia externa es solo la primera pagina. Tengo que tener el caracter que respalde mis apariencias. No soy un objeto. Soy un ser humano. No soy mejor ni peor que nadie. La auto-confianza en uno mismo y la autoestima no viene atravez de comportamientos extremos. La confianza está en el equilibrio. Es saber quien eres, y estar a gusto con quien eres. Tener la disciplina de cambiar lo que puedes, si es que quieres. Es saber y poder decir no sin dar explicaciones. Es poder decidir a quien quieres y a quien no quieres en tu vida sin caer en presiones ajenas. Tu auto estima no depende del numero que marque el peso ni el numero en la etiqueta de tu vestido. La auto confianza no viene de saber que vas por la vida con todos deseandote. La autoconfianza no viene de cambiarte a ti misma para complacer a los de mas. La auto estima no viene de creerte mejor que los demas. Viene de amarte y aceptarte, tal cual como eres. Demora un tiempo y requiere esfuerzo para alcanzar esa meta, pero creeme cuando te digo, que vale la pena!!!


I could probably write more on this, but I won't. I hope that you have a fabulous week!
Until next time, stay happy, love youself, and take control!

xox

Podria esciribir mas sobre el tema, pero no lo voy a hacer.  Os deso una semana fabulosa!
Hasta la proxima, sigan felices, amense, y tomen control!

xox

VIDEO


Friday, 13 June 2014

Toxicity

Hey Beauties!

How has your week been?  My week has been a rollercoaster. I had a headache that lasted about five days, and wouldn't go away with anything, and it was only on the right side of my head. Then on wednesday/thursday, I got vertigo again, after about a month of not having it. This was as I was recording my 20 facts video (embedded below), and iMovie was giving me trouble and not recording. I am still practicing being in front of the camera, since I'm more of a write than a speaker, but I am determined to get better at the video-making. I look so uncomfortable in this video, lol. Probably because I was concerned about recording in vain. Luckily iMovie got it's act together and I managed to record the video afterall. My 20 Facts are quite random. You have been warned!



Yesterday (friday) was a bit of an enlightenment day. I had had a fabulous day all day, and was on a high from life having been so good and kind to me. Until at the very end of it, when someone decided to be nasty to me, - by act of omission. In other words, it wasn't something someone did to me, but rather what they didn't do. Luckily, this time I had someone there to witness the whole thing, and who later told me that they too had noticed and disliked what happened, and thought it was 'ugly'. I was so hurt by this person's actions, I spent the rest of the evening feeling miserable. I was grateful for all the fabulousness previously, but at the end of the day, someone had put a dark cloud over my head and it was weighing me down. 

Later on though, I thought to myelf, "Rebeca. You have a choice. You can either suffer because someone else has wronged you and failed to be a decent Christian, or, you can let it go, reject the negativity, and accept that if anyone should feel bad, it should be the person who was in the wrong." Then I felt strong, and empowered, and I had shrugged it off. I came home, relaxed, and had no issues falling asleep. Then I woke-up at 2am, and couldn't go back to sleep. I feel uneasy. And now here I am. Awake at 3:30am, rambling on my blog, and unable to go back to sleep because my tummy is now a bag of nerves. I look calm, but inside, I feel like I am about to explode into tears. Only it's not going to happen. I won't breakdown. I tried going back to sleep, and trust me, I feel tired, but my body just won't let go. It's not just what this person did or didn't do. That was just a trigger for other things that have been happening and building up, and this person either has no idea what their actions have done, or doesn't care. So why should I? Yet that isn't comforting. Will I regret this post? Probably.

I wanted to share because I know I am not alone in feeling like this. Often times, we feel hurt when others wrong us, but that's almost like punishing ourselves further. Wasn't being mistreated by someone else enough? Do we have to react by torturing ourselves? Why do we punish ourselves? You have to accept that you are a wonderful human being and anyone who does not see that, is missing out. This doesn't mean, go out there and be arrogant. It means focus on your positives. Love what is good about you, inside and out. Nobody is all good, or all bad. Including ourselves. If people want to be snobby and nasty towards us, it's their loss, not ours. Do you really need the time, attention, - almost validation, of someone who does not know how to be a decent human being? No. The world is full of people who put up a façade, and pretend to be something they are not. Some will never take off their smile. Some will pretend to like you when they don't. I have a bit of a pet peeve when it comes to people like that. People who never have a bad day, and get on well with everyone, because the fact is, bad things happen, and we can't always like and get along wonderfully with absolutely everybody, unless someone's being fake, and I can't stand fake! But I'm getting side-tracked. 

A few days ago I had an ah-ha moment. For the first time in my life I put my foot down and halted someone who was being downright out of order. I wouldn't go so far as to say this person is or was a friend of mine. We were acquainted and there was never a problem between us. There was no reason for there to be. Yet my gut had always warned me to be cautious. Something about this person didn't sit right with me, but like I say, there was nothing to validate my gut feeling. Then as I got to know this person a bit better, all my intial misgivings, and more, were confirmed. At first, I did what I have always done. I gave the benefit of the doubt. I shrugged things off. This was the worst thing I could ever have done. This is the exact pattern that has always guaranteed that I end up 'stuck' in toxic friendships, filled with drama. I've never been easily persuaded to do anything I don't want to do, so in that sense, I've never gotten into much trouble. However emotionally, I have often found myself drained. This time, I saw what was coming and reminded myself that I had a choice. So, in very clear terms told this person exactly what I thought, and politely put an end to the whole thing, and it was fine. It was relieving. I took control of a situation I didn't like, and knowing that perhaps this person wasn't being intentionally malicious, no longer seemed like a valid excuse for me to grin and bear it. I just clicked. I saw that this has always been my problem. I'm too nice. I let myself see the good in people, even when the bad outways the good, and the only one harmed, is me. In other words, seeing the good in people, is a good thing, but if their flaws out way their virtues, and you start to feel used, trampled on, suffocated, drained, etc, then it's time to wish them the best and say goodbye. Let go.

A couple of years ago, I had this friend who was a broken soul. This person was extremely manipulative and in denial about a lot of their own issues. Quickly into our friendship this person started abusing my generosity, while manipulating everything to make it appear as if our friendship was based on give and take in equal measure. This so-called friend did the same thing by their partner, who eventually walked away from my so-called friend, which then made my so-called friend embrace the position of victim, and declare a constant pity party, while at the same time, not quite acting like a victim, but more like a vulture. Sounds contradictory?  It was. It was refined manipulation on every level in extreme doses. This so-called friend would talk me into going to places I didn't want to go to, and although nothing terribly awful happened at these places - mostly because I am cautious and don't tend to do things that are particularly damming, - I'd still be left with this huge sense of regret. Regret that I had just wasted time and money, and I hadn't even enjoyed myself. Typical toxic behaviour. "No" was never an answer by this so-called friend, who tried terribly hard to change me and drag me down. It took an extreme event for me to finally cut the ties, and even then, this so-called friend kept on at me, with vile manipulations. I simply ignored it all, until finally, I was left in peace. The sense of relief that I felt was immense. I knew I often felt suffocated and drained whenever I was around this person, but in a funny way, I think I had gotten used to it. I didn't like the amount of negativity this person seemed to generate, but I had some how, gotten used to it. I put it down to being part and parcel of our friendship, and that it wasn't all bad. There were good times and laughs. But the bad quickly outweighed the good, and that's not a good place to be investing time and emotions at any point in our life. Cutting that friendship was the best thing I ever did for my own mental and emotional sanity.

It's taken me a long time to find the courage to steer clear of people who don't enrich my life. Being in a foreign country doesn't help, but it's not an excuse. It's always better to be alone that in bad company. I have often found myself in troublesome situations with toxic friendships. At first I tell myself I need to be more patient with people and try to be less sensitive. However, I think I have figured out that although there might be an element of truth in that, it's not the whole picture. I can't constantly make excuses for others because I am imperfect, just as my imperfections mean I have no right to judge others. However,  observing and affirming, and then deciding whether or not you think a relationship is worth entertaining - whether it be a friendship, a romance, or even a family member, - is not the same as being overly sensitive and judgmental from the get-go. Anyway, I feel better now. It's almost 5am, but I feel tired again, and I think this time I will fall back asleep again. 

xoxo

Saturday, 7 June 2014

ENGLISH:

Hello Beauties,

Today's post in my skincare routine (obviously). I am in my early thirties and although I've kept my acne under control for quite a few years now, I still have issue with it every now and again. Wierdly, everyone is always paying my compliments on my skin, and asking questions about how I get my skin so 'flawless'. My skin is not quite flawless, but it's not the worst out there either. So here goes my story, my current skin care routine and which products work on me, as well as products I will be trying in the future.

I also managed to squeeze in a quick review of Dr. Brandt's Xtend Your Youth (XYY) Dual Fusion Water Cleanser & MakeUp Remover for face and Eyes. There don't seem to be many Dr. Brandt reviews on YouTube, so I am curious to find out if anyone else's experience has been similar to mine.


SPANISH



Hola Bellezas, 

Mi post de hoy se trata del cuidado de mi cutis (obviamente). Tengo 30 años, y aunque hace años controlo mi acne bastante bien, aun tengo problemillas con eso de vez en cuando. Curiosamente, todo el mundo siempre me dice que tengo la piel perfecta, y me preguntan que como lo hago. En realidad, mi piel no es perfecta, pero tampoco es la peor piel. Asi que aqui va mi historia, mi actual rutina, lo productos que me funcionan, y otros que voy a probar en el futuro.  

(Es mi primer video en español, y he sido muy pesadita pidiendo opinones a todo el mundo, y todas me han dado el visto bueno. Espero que os guste. Me cuesta muchisimo hacer video en Españl porque me confundo y se que hay cosas que las digo mal, y palabras que me equivoco...) 
 
Tambien os doy un review de Dr. Brandt's, Xtend Your Youth (XYY) Dual Fusion Water Cleanser & MakeUp Remover for face and Eyes.No parecen haber muchos reviews sobre los productos de Dr.Brandt en YouTube, asi que tengo curiosidad de saber si alguien ha tenido una experiencia parecida a la mia.