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Monday, 14 April 2014

VINTAGE INSPIRED SPRING MAKEUP | VIDEO | And more on beauty...

 
 Spring is such an ideal time to experiment with new looks. Everything in spring always seems happier and more optimistic, and the advent of summer drawing nearer just adds to all of that excitement. 

So what better time than spring to finally get round to making a makeup video and post? 

 NOTE: The purpose of this post is to elaborate on all the things I didn't elaborate on in the video.



Makeup is something I have loved for as long as I can remember. 

When I was very, very little, I used to sneak into my mother's bedroom and play with her makeup. She's never been that into makeup, so she has only ever really had basics, and very little of the stuff, - but always the best brands! My mother has always valued quality, over quantity.  I remember how I'd get a thrill from putting it all on, and then I'd quickly wash it all off before she found out I'd been playing with her makeup. She did let me wear a really tiny bit of blusher and lip gloss on saturday's when went shopping at the West End though. (I must have been about five or six at the time). That's something I always remember with a smile. 

I also remember being five years old and begging my mum to buy herself a red lipstick, but she just wasn't interested in the stuff. My love for red lipstick however, has never died. It's timeless and sexy, and if it's worn right, it can also be elegant. Sadly, in my mother's generation, red lipstick was only worn by one type of girl, and if you weren't that type of girl, and you didn't want to be mistaken for one, then you steered well clear of the stuff. (I think you catch my drift).


The look I created in this first makeup video doesn't quite involve a red lipstick, but future ones certainly will. 

It's a full routine, but it only lasts ten minutes which isn't very long at all. This routine is different to my everyday one, since I'm not wearing any blush, and I don't tend to wear bright lip colours, but it's still very me. (I almost never wear eyeshadow anymore).


As for my hair, I got a trim the day before, and asked the hairdresser to curl the ends. He used a straightening iron to curl the ends in sections. It's not a hairstyle I do at home myself, so I can't really explain much about it, but I am definitely going to practice what he did, as I feel the hair made all the difference in achieving this vintage inspired look.

 
I felt very glam with this look, and let's face it, 
who doesn't want to feel glamorous all the time? 

It may be superficial, but there is something about feeling pretty that makes everyone feel good about themselves from the inside out. Don't you agree? Don't get me wrong. I'm not calling myself pretty or beautiful or anything like that. Nor am I saying that you have to look good on the outside in order to feel good on the inside. All I mean is, that when we are true to ourselves and our style, and we see a reflection we like in the mirror, all of the ugliness in society that is there to make us feel ugly or inadequate based on our looks, suddenly becomes completely annulled. Surely you can all relate to those days when you look in the mirror and you really like how you've put yourself together, and you just feel almost magical all day long. Or am I just really strange...?

ANYWAY, HERE IS THE VIDEO:


THESE ARE THE PRODUCTS I USED


Cosmetics

Smashbox Photo Finish Primer (Oil Free)

Catrice Cosemetics Allround Concealer

L'oréal Paris Nude Magique BB Cream

BareMinerals i.d. Powder Foundation

L'Oréal Paris Mega Volume Miss Manga Mascara

L'Oréal Paris Volume Million Lashes Excess Mascara

Constance Carrol Liquid Eyeliner

Rose & Co Apothecary Rose Petal Salve

Bobbi Brown Eye Shadow (to fill in brows) - Mahogany 10

Essence lipliner - 10 Femme Fatale

Estée Lauder Signature Lipstick - 31 Spiced Coral

Dark brown pencil (Sadly not included in the photograph)

Brushes

BareMinerals i.d. BareEscentuals Full Flawless Face Brush

EcoTools concealer brush

Spooly brush by Eloiven 

Bobbi Brown Eye Definer Brush

A beauty blender (sadly not included in photograph)


SKIN


Clear skin is essential for a flawless finish. And by clear skin, I mean no spots, no blemishes, no scars, no facial hair (except well-kept eyebrows), and no discoloration. We're not all born with flawlessly clear skin though, myself included, so makeup can help create the illusion of that. However, it's always best to try and take the best care possible of our skin first. I am quite OCD when it comes to my personal hygiene in general, but my face is the one part that probably gets the most TLC from me on a daily basis. I only use products on my face that are designed for my skin type. I try to eat foods I know are good for my skin, and I am very very anal about keeping my skin as clean as I can. (In fact, I might even do a a video and post on how I keep my acne under control...)
I have acne prone, combination skin, with very slight acne scaring and even slighter discoloration. I also don't like feeling a heavy foundation on my skin, so this particular combination of products is perfect for me because it's lightweight and gives decent coverage. And also great, not all of it is expensive. For example, I bought that concealer pallet from Primor for under 3 euros, and it works brilliantly. I will say though, that when it comes to foundation, it's always wise to buy slightly pricier more upmarket products.

EYES


Our eyes say so much about us, it's almost unreal. Beautiful eyes always make for a beautiful face, (especially if combined with clear skin). Now despite popular belief, you don't have to have eyes that are big, or blue or green, for your eyes to be beautiful. Beauty really has nothing to do with size or colour, and that doesn't only apply to the body as a whole, but to body parts as well. For this look however, big almond eyes with full long lashes were a bit of an essential. So I used eyeliner to enhance the almond shape and add fullness to my lashes from the root, after adding length and fullness to the lashes, by mixing these two mascaras. 

My holy grail mascara used to be the L'oréal double extension lash mascara, but that got discontinued (and I'm still heart broken. Thank you L'Oréal). 

(You can find out more about that particular mascara by clicking here)

EYEBROWS


I only recently starting to fill in my eyebrows. My eyebrows are different shapes, one is set higher than the other, one is longer than the other, and they both have 'gaps', so I find handling them tricky. Some days I am truly chuffed with what I manage to do with them. Other days I end up with eyebrows that Crusty the Crown would be proud to have. It's a real hit and miss area, which I hope to improve on. - Hence why I didn't go into too much detail in the video. I'm currently using an eye shadow by Bobbi Brown to fill in my brows. I can't say I think the colour is a true match to my natural eyebrow colour, but it's not awful. It's also not bad to learn the technique with. And being honest, my eyebrows do look better filled... I am really eager to try Anastasia, but I'm not even sure if it's available in Madrid...

For now, what I generally do is, fill them in using a Bobbi Brown eyeshadow, with a Bobbi Brown Eye definer brush... (Below is the back bit)


And then I brush through with my spooly brush (below), which I find gives a more blended and 'natural' finish to my eyebrows...


And then last of all I will pluck any stray hairs that do not fall within the area that I want. I get my eyebrows threaded as often as I can, but my hair grows back really, really, quickly, so after a few days I find I have about the same about of 'eyebrow stubble' most other women seem to get after about a week. The hair on my head also grows really quickly, so I'm not going to moan too much about it. (Although I do wish we could make a selection about where our hair grows quickly and where it should grow slowly, if at all, lol). So yeah, the tweezers are just for those few rebels that grow back faster than I'd like, spoiling the overall shape.


And there I was, saying I didn't have anything to say about eyebrows... Hmm!

LIPS


I know this lipstick looks kind of red in these photos, but it's not. It's not red at all. It's a beautiful coral colour. I love coral. It's such a pretty colour, and can be worked in so many ways. As a complimentary colour, as a 'pop' colour, it can be bright, it can be discreet, but it's always pretty, feminine, and elegant.

CHEEKS

 I bought this Rose Petal Salve as a pack of three. I initially bought this to use as a lip balm, but I didn't like it on my lips. I do however, like how it works on my skin, so I decided to use this as a highlight on my cheeks instead, and I was pretty happy with the results it gave.


I am hoping you will like the video.
I'm open to accepting requests, tips and advice.

I am also trying to find new video editing software, so if you have any suggestions, please send those my way. 

BODY IMAGE

Finally, I got round to making the body image video. The problem? The motion and the audio are not in synch. I have spent hours trying to edit it and fixing the issue, but it's beyond me, so I think I'm just going to re-make it from scratch. Sorry guys! 

And finally, remember...

'MAKEUP IS NOT A TOOL TO MAKE AN UGLY 'THING' BEAUTIFUL. IT'S MEANT TO MAGNIFY THE BEAUTY THAT ALREADY EXISTS'
(Author Unknown)

YOU, ARE, BEAUTIFUL.

Until next time, Much love,  and God bless!

x o x   




Saturday, 5 April 2014

MODCLOTH & WANELO

 With summer not that far away now, perhaps it's time to think about our summer holiday, and what we would like to wear at the beach. For most of us, trying to travel light is a huge and unachievable goal. (Surely, I'm not alone on that one, am I?) But by packing very versatile pieces, traveling light without compromising style and variety, is possible. Why should swimwear only be worn in and about water? That's what has inspired my ensemble from ModCloth below. What do you think?

Wearing this swimsuit as a top is PERFECTLY fine and acceptable, especially with SUCH a cute print! Wearing it with a black or red skirt, just seemed too predictable. Putting it together with the cream skirt, in such a soft and feminine fabric and style, is almost unexpected, and it adds to the beauty and tenderness of the look.

Sunday, 16 March 2014

Video post: THE BEST FOUNDATION EVER - GIORGIO ARMANI

Yesterday I discovered Giorgio Armani's foundation and I am now obsessed. I rushed home to make a video about it, and when I use up my existing foundations, I am going to reach out for the Giorgio Armani cosmetics. 

Seriously, that stuff is MAGIC!!!

It managed to give me flawless skin, even after I sweat like crazy and wiped the sweat off my face. I don't have bad skin, but I do get very mild acne and little spots, I also have small acne scars, and a T-Zone that so far, I have never been able to keep under control. 

Here is the video I made on it:


And here are some photos. 

 


And for those of you who think I have completely clear skin and am lying about the slight acne and slight acne scaring, here is a close-up...


I can't wait for my current foundations to run out so I can buy this without so much guilt, lol. It's my holygrail foundation. I don't understand why more youtuber's aren't going crazy over this stuff! 

Yes, it's very expensive, but it's worth every penny. 

It's lightweight. It's very long-lasting and resistant. Yesterday was a very hot day here, (summer is arriving here), and I found myself walking under the hot blazing sun, and sweating like mad. I was wiping my forehead like crazy, and actually worried because I really wanted to make the video yesterday and post it yesterday as I was wearing the makeup yesterday. 

I had no need to worry. I got home and the foundation was perfectly in tact. The eye-shadow faded which the makeup artiste told me would happen, because I have oily eye-lids. I'm not a fan of foundation on myself anyway, so that didn't bother me. Especially when the eye-shadow in question in bright purple, LOL. 

Speaking of their eye shadows, they not only have absolutely stunning eye shadows, their colours are actually exclusive. My next step will be to check out their eye shadows! 

Do you have experience with Giorgio Armani cosmetics? 
What do you think of it?

x o x

Saturday, 1 March 2014

FEELING UGLY?

I promised you guys a video discussing how I beat my body image demons. Then I got ill with swine flu. Not ideal for making videos. I still plan to make that video, but when I am fully recovered. 

Truth is, I haven't had a fat day, or an I-feel-ugly day, in years, and it has probably been one of the most liberating experiences of my life. It was one of the reasons I started blogging, and now I want to put that bit of me out there more, in the hope that my experiences can truly help someone out there who is still trapped in that horrible place of self-hatred based on looks.

In the meantime, I want to share this video which encompasses some of the things I wanted to say, and which helped me too. (It's coincidence, btw).

If you haven't met this truly amazing woman yet, 
please allow me to introduce...

LIZZIE VELASQUEZ



I've known about this amazing and inspirational woman for a years now. I knew she had a genetic disorder which doctors know nothing about. I knew it was so rare that only two people in the world have it. And I knew she was a motivational speaker. What I didn't know, was all the things she mentions at the start of this video. Like how someone made a video of her entitled 'The Ugliest Woman in the World', how it had had millions of hits, and how complete strangers were telling her to do the world a favor and go kill herself. - If anyone needs proof that we live in a completely shallow, and superficial world, that's it right there. Well, I for one, thank God that Lizzie chose to not go kill herself, and be succesful. And without further a do, here is her video:


PS: Her parents are my heroes too! 


Monday, 10 February 2014

FIRST BRAID OUT

After posting about how much I would like to embrace my natural curls, I went ahead and braided my hair after washing it. When I took it out the next day, this is what I got... (Sorry for the poor quality phone pic here)


It wasn't what I had expected, and I wasn't particularly happy with the results. I thought I would have been 'brave' enough to just go out like this. In the end, I put it back in a bun...


It wasn't perfect, but I felt less self conscience like this. 

I will continue experimenting with the braid out until I find a wave pattern I am completely happy with. 

I filmed a video about this braid out, but honestly, it's not that great. I had bad lighting, and the built-in cam on my MacBook pro kept freezing up and stuff, so not only is the video itself nothing particularly interesting, the editing process would be a nightmare with so many frozen bits. LOL.

If you have ANY tips of advice, please leave them as a comment below, or e-mail me!

x o x

Saturday, 8 February 2014

NATURAL HAIR DOCUMENTARIES

I am an on-and-off hair transitioner. 

I am mixed-race, with naturally curly hair which I usually blow dry straight. 
(Here is a YouTube tutorial I did on it ages ago)



My hair looks good after the blow dry (it was short when I made the video), but it takes time to blow dry, and done too often, can really weaken the curl, if not the hair...

However, what I really wish I could do, is just embrace my natural curls. So I often turn to on-line inspiration. My hat goes off to all the girls on youtube who document and share their hair transition. They are SUCH an inspiration, and their hair is just gorgeous!

Although I am only part black, and I have hair which is more like european hair than afro hair, I can still relate to a lot of things that black women say about their hair. I was also raised with the idea of 'good hair' and 'bad hair', and sadly, I was raised with the idea that I have 'bad hair' - even though my hair is strong, grows crazy quick, shines, and has a naturally perfect curl pattern (which I have since destroyed with heat damage). So with all of that, I turn to the internet to seek positive natural hair information and opinions, which is inspirational. Below are some amazing images I found on-line... (Click on image to find source)

 


Among my search, I have come across a lot of randomness. 

I once saw a natural hair documentary on natural hair a while back and REALLY disliked it. I found the discussion really shallow. I remember thinking one of the women in particular had serious issues and needed to get some white female friends to discover that not all white women have flawless wash and go hair, and that overall, it didn't really deal with the issue in a way that wasn't completely superficial. 

Then today I came across this, and I really like how they handled this issue here. They still talk about the racial element that influences hair-care and hair-routine of black women in a society that preaches that only european hair is attractive hair, but, they did it in such a way, that wasn't expressed with the assumption that all white women have flawless wash-and-go-hair. They spoke about their experiences. Period. And they were dignified and respectful. I recommend this documentary!

THE ROOT OF IT ALL 

Parts 1 & 2




My hair is a lot longer than it was a few months ago. Like I said, it grows crazy quick, so perhaps now is the prefct time for me to be transitioning on a more serious and consistent level. It'll definitely save me time and energy, if nothing else...

As a latina though, this next video totally hits the nail on the head for me in general, not only in regards to what hair symbolizes or represents socially, but just race.


x o x 




Sunday, 2 February 2014

LIFE, HAIR, & YOUTUBE


I know. I've been quite MIA for a long time now. I moved house, I started a new job two weeks ago, (which I love!!!), and my blogging has taken a backseat. My house is a hot mess. I am surrounded by boxes and virtually no storage space. (The storage space I was hiring, was a rip off, so I got rid of it and brought everything home). So I am going through all the stuff I own, deciding what to keep, what to bin, and what to give away. I've thought about selling any clothes I don't wear much, but I'm terrible at selling things. I set up a separate blog for that, but again, it's trying to find time to actually photograph everything and then uploading it. Uf. Even my Instagram-ing has declined. At my old house there were these massive mirrors in the main entrance, which is where I would take my almost daily ootd pics for Instagram. I no longer live there, and my new place doesn't have those giant mirrors, so unless I get someone to take a pic for me, (which I don't feel comfortable asking my colleagues to do yet, because I am so new),  then I have no way of uploading too many ootds on there. It can be annoying. Yesterday I wore something I really wanted to post, but I found myself running around doing errands all day like a headless chicken, and not taking pics for the blog. I do have a tripod, but then that means taking photos outdoors, running the risk of my colleagues / teenage students catch me having a random DIY photo session, and then having to answer too many questions. My blog isn't a dirty secret. It's just not the first thing I want people to know about me. I know, all that probably sounds like a bunch of lame excuses. Surely if you take something seriously, you make time for it. The truth is, that people who make time for stuff, are people who have time to do stuff. 


I miss blogging and instagram-ing regularly.  I feel like I'm out of synch. I do make the effort to keep following and checking out as many blogs as I can, but it's completely different to maintaining your own blog. People who don't have blogs don't realize how much time goes into blogging. (And no, I don't mean that in a patronizing way. I love blogging no matter what, but you have to have time to blog). Taking photos for each blog post takes at least half an hour, and then going through all those photos to pick the ones you are happy to upload is another time consuming process. Not to mention editing, deciding what to call your post, and deciding what to say in your post, if anything at all. No, I'm not having a moan, I'm just trying to explain how I've ended up being MIA. I have a full time job again, and there's stuff I have to do in the evenings. I barely find the time to fix my house, and it's really annoying. So far I have only managed to keep the bathroom and kitchen in any sort of decent order. My living room is flooded with boxes, and piles of books and teaching material all over the place. My bedroom is also flooded with boxes, but also piles of clothes and shoes, and my wardrobe is pretty much packed as well. I've managed to organize my make-up into a small cabinet in my bedroom, but that's about as far as order goes in there. It's actually really embarrassing, and very few people have been allowed into my house since I moved in. 


Of course, I've invested in furniture, but it's not enough. I need to get more of those shelving units from IKEA, but I've decided to do a massive clear out first, and then decide what to get once I know exactly what I am going to keep. I used to live alone, and then went back to house sharing.  When I went back to house-sharing, I put heaps of stuff in storage, which is why now, I have so much stuff. The place I was renting alone was in an area of Madrid which I was completely unfamiliar with, and the housing there was terrible. The place was literally collapsing in on itself with damp, condensation, mould and cockroaches. I was only there for about two or three months, and I was ill the whole time from the mould. The landlady had the cheek to blame me for all of that, and refused to return some of my intital money. Luckily I had home insurance on the place, and a surveyor came round and confirmed that the place was not fit for anyone to live there, I was not responsible for any of the damages, and the damages were chronic. He also confirmed that I had been cheated, as the place had been painted and aired right before I went to view the property. I liked it because it was quaint and had character. It was what they called a 'Corrala' out here. It's always been a 'poor people' type of property, (hope I don't sound snobby here), and I've been told that the shared patio area originally used to function as a theatre. That was how the people who first lived there managed to earn any sort of living. Perhaps it's the artist in me that fell in love with the patio? I don't know. All I know now is, that I should never have moved in there. 

Although I don't regret the decision, because I learnt from it, and anything that teaches us a lesson, is an experience worth having. 


From there, I put almost all of my stuff in storage, (which is now all at my new place, hence all the boxes and needing to go through stuff and deciding what to keep, and what not to keep), and went on to several house-shares again. None really worked out though. Nowhere felt like home. Most started out ok, but ended up being really stressful. It's so horrible when the place you're supposed to call home, feels like a living hell hole. You can't be at peace there. You feel like you're stepping on egg shells. Constantly having to watch your back all the time. That must sound really paranoid, but trust me, I've had a lot of really nasty housemates, and very few decent ones. I've had housemates steal from me, accuse me of doing stuff I haven't done, and just being plain rude... (see my previous post Charming for an example of that rudeness). I've been very unlucky with my living arrangements since I moved to Madrid all those years ago. I know a lot of people out here who have had very similar experiences to the ones I've had. I remember in my first year, when I was here for just a school year with the British Council, there were people who had moved house at least ten times in nine months, because of horrid housemates. Some people managed to have really good house-sharing experiences, but they were very few and far-between. It's one of the reasons so many of my intial friends decided to leave Madrid and not come back. It was too much hassle. I stayed on another year because my employers asked me, and I'd never had a job before coming to Madrid. I'd dabbled in acting jobs on TV and stuff, but had never had a real 9-5 job, and I needed something to put on my CV other than occasional jobs in acting. Then I went back to London to complete my degree. After graduating, no decent job offers came up, and the Job Seekers people were really rude and patronizing, so when my old bosses told me they could get me teaching work in Madrid, I jumped at the chance. I really love teaching. It's really rewarding to see the children learn. I guess know it's the fierce maternal side of me that makes me love teaching so much. I plan to become a qualified teacher in the very near future, and hopefully find myself something stable with an indefinite contract. 


No, I know. I'm not your typical blogger who dreams of working in fashion. I'm not cut out for that environment. I love beauty, and I love playing dress-up, and that's it. Turning that love into a career, is just not for me. I have met many people who have or do work in fashion, and I hear all these stories about competitiveness, jealousy, malicious ambition, and so much bitching. I'm sure there are wonderful people working in fashion who are nothing like that, but judging from the stories I've heard, they seem to be a rarity, or don't get very far, even if they are very good at what they do. It also strikes me as being a very cliquey environment, and I don't have time for cliques and mean-girl type situations. I am 31 years old. (I know, I look and sound a lot younger), and I don't have the time, the willingness, or the immaturity to be tolerating such behavior from other people. Acting was a bit like that. I did a lot of extra work, and you'd be amazed at the amount of snobby wannabes you'd come across. Of course not everyone was like that, but a large number of them were! I found myself biting my tongue so many times on set, because it would have been unprofessional of me to express certain sentiments with words. I think you get what I mean. Drama queens desperately trying to catch the director's attention, maybe hoping, naively, that that will land them a big role. Meh. That's not how show business works, and very rarely do you find a genuine Cinderella story in Hollywood. So anyway, going back to the blog. My blog is my hobby. It's not a business. It's like my little personal-style diary on-line. It's my way of challenging ideals of beauty. Doing and wearing all the things fat girls are told they shouldn't do because they can't do them. I spent my whole life listening to well intentioned people convincing me that I had to loose weight if I was to ever have a full, happy and fulfilling life. Bla Bla Bla. All of that was a load of nonsense! I am fat and I am happy, and I do and wear whatever I want, and if I am not fulfilled in any are of my life, it is NOT because I am fat. It is because I come to be an adult in the middle of an economic crisis, where I take the jobs I can find in teaching, and where my living situation is a consequence of my employment situation. It happens to be the same with thin people in Madrid, as well. Everyone is taking what they can to get by economically. It is not the result of my being fat. Yes, I am currently on a nutrion plan which will inevitably lead to weightloss. It's not a diet, and it's not intended to make me happier, my life fuller, or fix any of my problems. It's just to make me a bit healthier.

Anyway, I am rambling now. I haven't even touched on what I wanted to say about my hair. All the headshots above are meant to show you how much longer my hair is now. I've been growing it out for several months now, and I'm really starting to notice how much longer it is now. My hair grows quickly, but I have to be carefully as it tends to be fragile. I'm still indulging in Almond oil, and laying off the heated styling and everyday washing. I also get trims every few months. Hopefully it'll be half way down my back by the summer. I can't wait to get more length in it so I can really start to wash and go and embrace my natural curls, more and more! 

And finally, here is my first vlog for 2014. I know, it's ridiculous and I'm just rambling along. My friends and I have had such a laugh at this. They say I come off as being completely nuts! LOL! I promise my next video will be about a set topic and I'll try not to ramble so much... 




And here are some of my Instgram OOTD looks:


In the future I plan to make more videos. Body image issues, beauty tutorials, and more.

Please subscribe, like, and share.

Thank you

x o x o x 








Tuesday, 7 January 2014

ON BEING FAT.



This is me, today. 

Fact. 

Believe it or not...

I am 31 years old, I wear a size 20-22, I am about 5'7" tall, and I weigh 110kg, which is about 17st or 240lbs. Yet, nobody ever believes my age, my dress size, or how much I weigh. They always, always, underestimate all those numbers by a lotI think it's because I feel so young, I always smile, and I never moan about my size or weight, and I wear whatever I want unapologetically. Also, I just don't think about any of it, or care about it all much, and so neither does anyone else. 

I can honestly say that right now, I am completely happy. I want for very, very little, I have achieved almost everything I wanted to so far, and according to a lot of my friends, I am the strongest and bravest person they know. - Although I must admit, that most of the time, I feel neither brave nor strong. 

I just don't let my fears get the better of me.


But it hasn't always been that way... 

Today I feel completely comfortable telling people exactly how much I weigh, or what dress size I wear. I don't see it as anything to be ashamed (or proud) of. It simply is, and it doesn't make me a better or worse person. For years though, - long before this blog was conceived, - I basically hated myself for being fat, even though I wasn't fat to begin with. (Will post photos in a future post). I did ballet growing up, but then gained lots of weight in my late-teens after I gave it up. (Not that I was ever any good at it). To cut a long story short, I gained lots of weight, then lost it all (with the help of some diet-pills prescribed by an endocrinologist), and then put it back on (when the pills ran out), plus some more. 

Eventually though, I grew to be comfortable in my own skin. I fought my body-image demons succcessfully, but it didn't happen overnight. For a long time before then I felt ugly and worthless because I was (or thought I was), fat. Sadly, there were plenty of people around me, who were close to me, (and who shall remain anonymous, since this isn't a 'name and shame blog post'), who did nothing but confirm all my insecurities in the meanest and most humiliating ways possible. At the time it hurt, but I understand now, that it was their way of being cruel to be kind, out of love and wanting the best for me. They didn't realize that they were just being cruel to me. Breaking me.

The second time my weight gain happened, something clicked inside of me. I thought to myself, that since I was the same person on the inside, the outside didn't matter. I thought that if anyone wanted to judge me negatively, or reject me, because they didn't like the way I look, it was their loss. And honestly, it was. It still is. 

*I was fat again. Fatter than I had ever been. But this time, I no longer felt ugly or worthless, and I continued to wear whatever I wanted and whatever I liked, just as I started to do when I had lost heaps of weight for the first time ever. I knew without any shadow of a doubt that it wasn't me. It was the rest of the world on the outside looking in who were the problem and the ugliness.

Coming to that simple realization, was a moment of infinite liberation and empowerment. 

A few years later, it became one of the reasons I started this blog. 

I wanted to share that feeling of liberation and empowerment with others who may be going through what I went through. I wanted to contribute to the change.



There is so much to say on that subject, but I won't go into it right now, because if I do, this post will be endless. My point is, I haven't always been the confident person I am today. Well, I wouldn't say I am the most confident, as I am actually very shy, but I don't have many hang-ups about my body. There are bits I like more, or less, than others. - But that's not because I am fat. It's because I am human. Even the most beautiful people in the world, including the ones who live up to the western idea of beauty, don't like absolutely everything about their bodies! 


It's now 2014. (As you know). Personally, I don't do New Years Resolutions anymore, or get overly excited and superstitious about it being a new year. It just so happens, that things have worked out, by coincidence, in such a way that I am taking steps to make a few changes at the start of the new year, which I hope will be long lasting. 


In 2013, a routine health check up at work showed that I have ever so slightly raised levels of cholesterol. It was very little, but I'd rather fight and control a small rise in cholesterol, than a huge one. Just for the record though, high cholesterol is not a problem that is exclusive to fat folk. I know plenty of skinny people who have dangerously high levels of cholesterol, and plenty of fat people who have perfectly healthy cholesterol. As well as that, I have a sciatica at the base of my spine, which causes sharp shooting pain from my lower spine down to my leg, and even more worrying, lately, I'm starting to notice numbness on and off. I've had it for a couple of years or so, but lately it's become more acute. Several doctors have told me that it has nothing to do with my being fat. It's not caused by being fat, or aggravated by being fat. The doctors discovered my slipped discs and sciatica following an MRI scan after I had plantar fasciitis a few years ago. Now that can be caused by being overweight, and it's extremely painful. I spent several weeks, if not months, being bed-ridden, and on crutches, as you cannot step on the bad foot for a long time, until it gets better. I don't want it to come back.

Then, on a slightly more superficial level, I re-discovered clothes I had been missing which were being kept in storage. Almost none of it fitted anymore, including some old favorites which I had been missing! The idea of having to replace my entire closet is daunting! So all in all, being completely honest and objective, it is both healthier, and more practical, to try and loose weight (or volume rather), once again. Don't you think? 


OUTFIT:

Stripped blouse (new), black leggings, black v-neck jumper (old), 
camouflage scarf (new), and coat - H&M
Black boots - Evans
Leather bag - Massimo Dutti

Make-up: BareMinerals, L'Oreal, SmashBox Photo Finish, and YSL.


I will never be skinny, and I don't want to be skinny. I just want to be healthy again, and if I don't take control now, I could possibly end up with more weight-related health issues. I don't want to die of a heart attack, or end up crippled with a bad back that might strain further under all the excess weight. So I am to do my best to shed the extra pounds! I won't go into how right now, but I'm pretty sure that what I am going to do, WILL WORK.

This is not an attack against fat people. I am not a poster child for anything. I know that it is perfectly possible to be fat and healthy, and slim and unhealthy. Unfortunately for me, health issues have arisen which could be aggravated further if I do not control my weight. So I will be embarking on that journey, and I plan to share that with you.


There are so many things I want to say to you, which I haven't even touched on in this post; but it's already getting very long as it is. I'd rather save it all for the videos I plan to make in 2014!


This year I plan to make quite a few videos. I have a list of topics I want to share with you, and which I think you might be able to relate to. I'm not great with video-making, but I will make the effort to practice and hopefully get better at it. 


So without any further delay, 

HAPPY NEW YEAR

I hope you've all had a fantabulous Christmas, and that Santa brought you all lots of wonderful gifts! Fingers crossed 2014 will be a brilliant year where we shall all make our dreams our reality!

Lots of luv and blessings, until next time, 

Rebequita Rose

X O X 

*ammended Wed-8-January-2014

Wednesday, 4 December 2013

VIDEO INTRODUCTION | Dec 2013

Hi there! I hope you are all well! 

I have decided I am going to start making youtube videos, as well blogging as usual. 

That way, I can share my personal experiences in regards to body-image issues and size discrimination, - and maybe even make hair and beauty tutorials too. I don't know how often I will be making these videos, or even if they'll be any good or not, but there's no harm in giving it a go! 

It's something I've really wanted to do for ages, but kept putting it off because of how shy I am, as well as my poor video editing skills. (Despite having a youtube channel). However, practise makes perfect, and you can't get better anything if you don't work at it. 

Here is the introduction video I made for them...
(It's only 13 seconds long)


Do you like it?
x o x 


Tuesday, 5 November 2013

CHARMING


Hello my lovelies! 

I know. I know. I've been quite MIA lately. So much has been going on. The biggest thing is that I have moved and am still kind of in the process of moving actually. (The photo above is my new 'study corner' which I am still in the process of setting up in my new house).

 I was so happy living where I was living for many months, until my old housemates moved out, and new ones moved in. One turned out to be excruciatingly dirty but never took responsibility for her filthy ways, and the other one turned out to be conflictive and a liar who would put words into other people's mouth which other people never said. And those two were friends, which didn't help. I could go on, but why bore you? Even after I had started the move, the conflictive housemate continued to be conflictive. On one of my daily trips to the house to pack things and take what I could myself (before hiring out the removal van and man), I accidentally broke one of my glasses.





As you can see from the photos, it cracked funny, so there were lots of really big and really tiny pieces as a result. I cleaned up all that I could find and binned it. 

Then I left a note to the existing flatmates, letting them know - although I cleaned up all the scattered glass I found. I left the note to be nice. I think this is a fairly normal, thoughtful and responsible thing to have done. It seems not, as once again this led to conflict, as the photo below demonstrates. 


For those of you who don't speak spanish here is a translation: 

ME: (In black writing): Careful. Glass has been broken here today.

CONFLICTIVE HOUSEMATE: (In the green writing): 
So much english and no f-ing idea of spanish.

I have to say, I wasn't expecting that. I know my spanish is almost-native but at times funny; and I also knew the girl liked trouble, but to go looking for trouble where there is none to be found? Seriously. It just confirms what an immature and angry person she is. Needless to say, I didn't bother replying to the note. What was the point? I wasn't going to fuel a fight over nothing. It seems I spent crystal wrong. Apparently it's spelt with an 'i', not a 'y'. Regardless of if she had a point or not though, she was rude and simply exposing her ignorance. There is absolutely no reason for me to speak or write spanish flawlessly. I was not born or raised in a spanish speaking country, nor did I ever go to spanish school. I was BORN and RAISED in LONDON, England. I am ENGLISH. My first and native language is ENGLISH. And I speak, read and write brilliant spanish for a non-native person who is 'almost' native. Seriously, I am so glad to be out! 

And the best thing about my new apartment? 

The closet! 

It's massive!!! 

(Please excuse the mess. I was still unpacking)


I am still sewing, but I can't get back into sewing until I have the apartment really organised. I just can't be creative in a messy environment, and I am currently surrounded by boxes and stuff. 

Oooh. Apparently I am in the Navabi Curvy Blog Award 2013. I've noticed a few bloggers 'advertise' their participation, but I have no recollection of entering myself. I know I won't win, but if you want, you are welcome to vote for me, lol. 

I hope to be back with an OOTD post soon, although right now, my main priority is to organise my new place, amongst a few other personal things. I promise to keep you updated though.

All my love, 

Bex 

xxx